Letting go can be a beautiful process. But making a conscious choice to release something mentally and emotionally is often painful and extremely difficult.
It’s also not a one-and-done exercise. It may take multiple attempts until we’re finally free. Sometimes it’s out of our control when the event/person surfaces in our lives again. Sometimes it’s completely in our control as we tend to lay things at the feet of God but then we turn around and pick it back up feeling as though God isn’t handling it, or at least not handling it in a way or the timing we’d like him to.
So why should we learn to release the past and how does it benefit us?
- Letting go opens the door for new beginnings and new opportunities. You can’t open the door to a new chapter if you’re still clinging to the pages of the last one.
- It allows you to live in the moment without worrying about the future or the past.
- It’s exercising trust in God that He’ll put you where He needs you, with who you need to be with, and use the lessons of the past to set you up for the tasks He has ahead of you.
What letting go looks like:
- It’s being able to release anything that isn’t beneficial to your journey.
- It means you’ll stop ruminating on all the things you can’t control and only focus on what is in your control.
- It’s being able to keep control of your emotions and energy and not allowing others, or the past, to have control of them any longer.
- It means allowing yourself time to grieve, cry, feel angry, etc. – just feeling all the feels. But then releasing those feelings and moving forward with the attitude that you can’t change it so you won’t devote any more energy to it.
- It means surrounding yourself with others that uplift you and encourage you instead of devoting time to relationships that leave you drained.
What letting go doesn’t look like:
- It doesn’t mean ending relationships by saying whatever is on your mind without care for the heart of the one you’re speaking to.
- It doesn’t mean getting rid of everything and everyone you don’t like. Hard things and tough relationships can often prove to be needed teaching experiences in our lives.
- It doesn’t mean holding onto painful memories and relationships because by doing so, you still feel connected somehow.
- It doesn’t mean avoiding responsibilities and common sense to take off in a reckless, self-absorbed life.
Now that I’m 50 I’ve taken some time to evaluate what things I’ve been holding. Here are 8 things I’m releasing:
- Being something I’m not. We’re all unique but for some reason, we get roped into thinking we need to fit a particular mold in order to have value. Not so! We were all created uniquely by God with our own set of strengths, gifts, and abilities. And that fact alone gives me worth and value!
- Relationships that can’t be reconciled. This has been a heartbreaking realization for me. Forgiveness is something Christ requires of us. It’s releasing the other person from an emotional debt they owe for hurting us. However, reconciliation isn’t always possible. In the same way, Christ has already paid the debt for our sins and forgiven us – reconciliation doesn’t occur until we repent. In order for a relationship to heal and move forward, there has to be a change in behavior.
- Personal body shaming. I’ve recently noticed how I don’t appear in many photos taken over the years. I’ve never been comfortable in front of a camera. Certain areas of my body scream at me and divert my attention from the rest of the captured atmosphere. But it occurred to me recently that I want my grandkids to have pictures of me loving on them, snuggling them, and playing with them after I’m gone. We can’t put off enjoying activities, events, and photo opts until we’ve reached our ideal body.
- Taking things personally. You know the grouchy cashier at the grocery store that’s being very snippy – yeah, I always took those words personally. But even more so when they came from someone I knew or loved. The fact is, we all have things that alter our moods and make it easy for us to say and do things we shouldn’t. I’m realizing most of these moments have very little to do with me and more to do with what is going on in the mind and heart of the other person.
- What other people think of me. While we should care to conduct ourselves in a kind manner it doesn’t always mean the other person will be receptive to us. There are some people that just aren’t going to like you – and that’s ok! If you think about it, you don’t ever truly know what someone thinks of you. Most of the time we rehearse a conversation in our head that is far from what that person is thinking. So don’t waste your time stressing over it.
- Procrastination. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow. My older sister passed away at the age of 44. I think about how young that was and all the things she never got to do. While you may not be able to check off your entire bucket list this year, you can make it a priority to plan and do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do. A day will come when it’s too late.
- Regrets. Man, I could write a book about the things I regret – choices I’ve made in parenting, relationships, etc. We can’t change the past – we need to think about it. Learn from it. And move forward! Replaying the past won’t change it. We don’t need the feelings of shame and regret over the past directing our decision making in the present.
- The walls I’ve held around me. I can share a few stories of the way I’ve been hurt by others. I’m sure you can share a few too. Keeping myself shut off from others stops any new, wonderful, uplifting relationships from having the ability to grow. However, allowing myself to be vulnerable and honest will open space for new, deeper relationships. Sure, I’m bound to get hurt again, so are you, but if you don’t ever put yourself out there you’re missing the good people around you.
